Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Ugh
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| #Kipidap |
So I decided to continue posting on my blog on occasions after a very long hiatus i must say. I've been posting in Tumblr all this while. I think if i ever wanted to share something not worth the reblogs on Tumblr (as in things like oh i got this at school and this happened omg i had an amazing adventure) , i'll write it down here. Not that i have ever gotten notes on tumblr, it's just that my posts in Tumblr is....you know, tumblrish. So here, I'll write things that are um, Bloggish (?) You get me right.
My life as usual, has never went the way i expected. It doesnt work out in debate, studies, basketball, relationships........Anything. Everything. This is not really blog worthy though. I mean, who wants to read someone complain about their self-wrecked life. But I'm gonna talk about it anyway. I got 3As2Bs3Cs for Midterm. Yes, 3Cs. Science, Maths and KH. I have never gotten a C before in my entire life. Now for the first time in 15 years, I got three of them all so fast. It was my fault after all, taking mid term for granted. And focusing on something else during the period (oh, and that thing did not dent a success too, so much for Effort wont betray). I ranked 54th in my batch this time, dropping from number 19.
The only time i was actually successful must be last sports season.
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| 1/2 of my sports day photos, yes. |
Best athlete for the Under 15 Girls category. A gold for 400m, 800m and 1500m and a bronze for 4x400m relay. I've never felt happier for a win ever before. That was last April. Now I'm here barely going to basketball trainings and barely running and barely eating healthily. But no, i didnt get fatter just yet. In fact, I lost 1kg of mass by doing nothing. The bad news is, that could probably mean 1kg of muscle weight. Haih, I have a lot do after PT3 and a lot more during form four next year. Other than that, I am also experiencing the worst case of ulcers in my entire life too. I have around 3 on my lower lip (on that thing that connects your lip to your gums) , 5 under my tongue and 6 on my upper lip. It hurts real bad when i eat. Really really bad. But i sacrificed my pain for my love for food hehe. I wonder when will the magic of Bonjela will ever cure them.
Anyway, You don't know how worthless i felt after witnessing the whole ranking. Even the people who were normally in the lower rankings filled the top ones with great scores and grades. And then there's me, experiencing the mild pressure for being in 3S, and still dropping a lot. Most of my closest friends did way better than me. So that adds up to my uselessness. I'm currently struggling to get back on top. Trials start post Eid holidays. So i only have the whole Ramadhan to catch up what I dont understand and can't really digest. I have a lot of work to do. So does my other formmates. We all have a lot of work to do. But during Ramadhan we also have PT3 Geography and Sejarah. In fact, that's the only reason why i was able to return home. We have to do research about how to improve economic progress in Johor Bahru and stuff for PT3 Geog. I have only been reading about it for last night. I dont know when should I start actual printing and complete full research. And this Sunday we are to go to Angsana to interview random people to ask about their jobs and their opinion in improving their cost of living survival. 8 hours dont feel like enough to cover everything up. I'll start after I finish writing this.
My parents did not display that much amount of anger towards me. Nevertheless, they showed extreme signs of disappointment and worry. My actual PT3 being in October, they fear i could not master everything by the next 3 months. I don't have the ability to reassure them that i believe that I actually could. So i allowed their words of assumptions filled in my whole previous 2 weeks of holidays. I hate academic talk when you're not actually doing good.
They (older people) say that these kind of things are easy, PT3, as a whole I mean. Easy subjects, easy syllabus, a bit complicated exam but everything else is easy so you should score. Though I object their assumptions, I should know it's true that life gets harder as you grow older. Therefore, as a kid, you should successfully construct your life in your current phase, so you would be more ready by period. Or atleast, would appear to do so. I should learn to love educational based books and Solid Geometry and circles and Blood circulation and transport in order to truly score. But too bad books, I always find it hard to open up and love. Hehe. Okay maybe just for you, 10As, I will. It can't be that bad right.
I don't know whether i prefer staying at home or conquering the empty school during times like these. I love the comforts of home. I love the privacy i get, the internet, my family laptop, the free wifi, the food......But I must say, I really like school too. I love the company, my friends, the freedom to do whatever i want (kinda). And I'm more focused at school than i am at home. So in a nutshell, I love the both of them all the same. However, too bad perempuan takleh kahwin lebih dari satu, sooooooo sorry school, I love home even more. wkwkwk
I should continue with Geog, Goodluck for PT3, form threes. You need it.
10:43 PM
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With SPM coming up, Syasya decides to write her journey to the biggest determiner of her life. (notice the brackets in her post counting down the days to the start of it) Turning 17 two days before Bahasa Melayu Paper 1, Syasya is an ambitious girl no taller than 5 foot 3, but with dreams higher than the sky. She spends her free time reading, sleeping, writing and lepaking. Syasya's a little bit weird sometimes, but, well, she likes to be different.
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