Sunday, September 3, 2017
Firsts and lasts of an abundance of things in life (64 days before)
I'm currently on my way to Johor Bahru because I have to get back to school by Monday, which is tomorrow. Usually I'd take a flight back to school, but Abah insisted to send me back. I'm guessing it's because he's not gonna see much of JB or Johor in general after I've finished high school. He's not the type who likes to be rushing (explains why we're here a day early) or the type who likes to drive for 4 hours non stop. Plus, Nina - my sister, if you've never heard of her, she's in form four - has to go back to Alor Gajah on the same day, so as I'm the furthest away from home and also the eldest, I am also the chosen one to be sent first #suckstobethefirstborn
It kinda hits me in my heart that this is the last time I'll ever see home before SPM. It also hits me like woahhhhh....I'm taking SPM soon. After all this time I felt like SPM itself is like a dream, a road where I have to take but which feels so unreal. Because SPM is one thing, then after SPM there's adult life and college and actually living in the REAL world. I guess I'm too cocooned in the gates of boarding school to even care about reality. Or maybe that I lack motivation to live? I dont know.
I want to get out of school fast but I'm just not ready to face reality.
Form 5 has so many happy-sad moments because form 5 is when you really get to enjoy celebrations and life at school even when you have shitloads of homework and responsibilities. But it's also sad because it's the last time you'll ever gonna feel all of this. Last sumbangsih, last sports day, last raya, last sahur, last this, last that. And as much as you can still meet the people from high school you can never really relive the moments again. What is left from the five years is just the knowledge I bring everywhere, the pictures; the ones in people's phones which will probably be deleted in a few years of full storage and new phone models, the ones in people's cameras which will be lost after you misplaced your memory card, the ones in polaroid photos which will fade in 10 years, and lastly, the memories. The times you've fought, the competitions you've entered, the assemblies you've skipped, the nightpreps you've missed, the jokes you've laughed to, the people you've talked about, the tears you cry.....everything will be just something for me and you to think about whenever we're alone, or as a story to your children. I'd give everything to live those moments again, but all I can do is to move forward and pray the people who made my 5 years in a stressful energy-draining confined boarding school worth it the best. I promised myself to write about all of it after SPM, so that I can read it again in 20 years, if blogs are still legitimate in that time.
The real world seems so scary. In STF we are always fed with stories of our peers doing drugs, going clubbing, getting pregnant, leaving school to start a family at 16, getting raped, losing their virginity, having multiple sex partners, running away from home, failing Bahasa Melayu, and all those kebejatan sosial stuff that people write about in Berita Harian. While the worst thing you'll ever hear in my school is honestly probably just the juniors rebelling. and the things that come after that. Not saying that I can't cope with the former, but those kind of things are so gonna be new to me later on. Sigh, I can only pray to God to be guided and protected under His care, and will still steer back into the right path even if I've drifted far away from Him. Until I enter a whole new world, I'm gonna enjoy being safe and trapped in boarding school.
On the other side of the coin, this year is also the year of the firsts. For instance, this week, I had been given the privilege to travel using public transport - ALONE!!! okay I know, lame. But my parents are overly protective and they are the typical facebook parents who read news about child kidnapping from some facebook post by some aunty and believe in illuminati theories - but they're the cool facebook parents nevertheless :p. And I'm the first born and a girl. Some of my friends can't even travel back home by bus, so I'm pretty grateful that they're not that strict or paranoid or whatever you may describe these kind of parents. They mean well though.
I don't know how but I was on a phone call with my mom asking for her permission to watch the SEA games with Nashwa (she doesn't read my blog so I can freely mention her name here), thing is transport is a real big issue when it comes to hanging out with me so throughout the week when I was praying for good results for Trials, I also prayed that my parents would let me go out even if it was a weekday. I told my mom that maybe it's gonna be held on Monday - then suddenly a miracle happened;
"Oh okay naik je lah MRT"
I WAS SO HAPPY THAT MORNING I FORGOT WHAT PAPER I WAS TAKING BUT ALL WENT SOOOO SMOOTHLY. and the best part was I didn't even have to ask her. And if you're wondering; diving - yes I watched diving - may seem kinda boring as a first impression but once you join in the live crowd you'll start to LOVE it. Heck, I think I enjoyed it more than badminton somehow, which I spectated on the day after I watched diving. It was kinda a bummer that 1) I wanted a picture with Pandalela but I don't know how to find her and the people in front of our seats actually got a picture with her and 2) I really wanted to watch basketball :( but the tickets sold out right before we even made plans to go and watch the SEA games :(. But all in all, I had a good time there :).
I went to Bukit Jalil by the sg buloh-kajang mrt line -> lrt ampang line -> lrt sri petaling because it was the supposedly fastest route there. Actually I would save A LOT of time if I took the KTM to TBS then interchange to lrt sri petaling. But on the first day I missed the KTM by 1 MINUTE then I have to wait like another 40 minutes for the next KTM if I wanted to take it, so, the long way there it is. But I did try to take the KTM eventually, when I went back home from watching Badminton. The next KTM to Sg Gadut would arrive in 20 minutes when I arrived at TBS so I thought it was reasonable enough to wait. (Plus TBS got convenience stores and food vendors can't say no to food). It was the peak hour of the day and the KTM coaches were filled with people and I had to sardine myself in. I went in the women's coach - where supposedly only women should board, but then there's these two guys i don't really know what nationality but they're foreign workers, who also boarded in with us. There was this announcement that all Men in the women's coach should depart to other coaches but those two guys didn't even move a muscle, even after the whole coach glared at them. But they did no harm, so I guess it's....mitigatory and tolerable. Hahaha. Taking the MRT and LRT and KTM for the first time was really exciting for me somehow. I feel all grown up and independent, for once.
This week was also the first time of me trying Korean Food (Dubuyo je padahal but okkk it counts!) and watching a movie at the cinema with a friend - also, with yes, Nashwa, so cringeworthy la asyik orang sama je takde orang lain ke - Okay you can say it again, omg lame. But seriously though, two things, 1) My mom is conservative and she only started allowing me to go to the cinema with my friends after I turned 15 (you can say I'm lame again) but 2) I'm not really a fan of watching movies or tv shows or dramas and things like that, I'm more inclined to reading, so it doesn't bother me much that I've never gone to the movies with my friends before. And it was the first time I've ever watched a horror movie at the cinema. You know I really think they should charge 50% less for horror movies because for every time I sense some creepy shit Annabelle doll is gonna pop out from the screen and attack that little girl I covered half of my eyes. But Okay what it's not like I'm actually closing them, I still can see the bottom half of the screen which shows the floor and people's legs but hey it's progress so I am officially not just not lame, but also not a scaredy cat :).
Ahhh, the joy of being granted social mobility brings you a lot of new experiences.
Sadly, I have exams and limited pocket money. So I can't really go anywhere else much or even go out frequently this week. I already made a list of "18 things before 18" though, so after SPM I have at least 6 months to complete the list and venture the country before enrolling to pre-U. For now, I'm prioritising my papers.
Speaking of SPM, today is my candidate day! Candidate Day is a tradition in my school where we kinda celebrate the person who's candidate number is the number of days left to SPM. I'm A064, and there's 64 days left to SPM, so that makes today my candidate day. My previous seniors used to sing the candidate day song everyday. I think my batch did it during PT3, though not to everyone (I was K030 during PT3 so my candidate day was 30 days before PT3 haha thank god I dropped a class this year). And tomorrow is my brother's birthday (4th September, he shares the same birthday with Beyonce which is why he always get all the attention).
In conjunction with my candidate day, I decided to make this my last post before SPM, unless I have the time to write another post anytime, which is highly unlikely. I would like to apologise if I've ever said anything that offended you and I've never approached you about it because there's a strong chance that I've forgotten about it huhu sorryyyy. To those taking SPM or IGCSE (my sister's taking IGCSE in october pray for her poor soul), I pray the best for you. Forget how you did for Trials, these 2 months can change your life. Insyaallah, believe and istiqamah.
Sincerely, Syasya xoxo.
This week was also the first time of me trying Korean Food (Dubuyo je padahal but okkk it counts!) and watching a movie at the cinema with a friend - also, with yes, Nashwa, so cringeworthy la asyik orang sama je takde orang lain ke - Okay you can say it again, omg lame. But seriously though, two things, 1) My mom is conservative and she only started allowing me to go to the cinema with my friends after I turned 15 (you can say I'm lame again) but 2) I'm not really a fan of watching movies or tv shows or dramas and things like that, I'm more inclined to reading, so it doesn't bother me much that I've never gone to the movies with my friends before. And it was the first time I've ever watched a horror movie at the cinema. You know I really think they should charge 50% less for horror movies because for every time I sense some creepy shit Annabelle doll is gonna pop out from the screen and attack that little girl I covered half of my eyes. But Okay what it's not like I'm actually closing them, I still can see the bottom half of the screen which shows the floor and people's legs but hey it's progress so I am officially not just not lame, but also not a scaredy cat :).
Ahhh, the joy of being granted social mobility brings you a lot of new experiences.
Sadly, I have exams and limited pocket money. So I can't really go anywhere else much or even go out frequently this week. I already made a list of "18 things before 18" though, so after SPM I have at least 6 months to complete the list and venture the country before enrolling to pre-U. For now, I'm prioritising my papers.
Speaking of SPM, today is my candidate day! Candidate Day is a tradition in my school where we kinda celebrate the person who's candidate number is the number of days left to SPM. I'm A064, and there's 64 days left to SPM, so that makes today my candidate day. My previous seniors used to sing the candidate day song everyday. I think my batch did it during PT3, though not to everyone (I was K030 during PT3 so my candidate day was 30 days before PT3 haha thank god I dropped a class this year). And tomorrow is my brother's birthday (4th September, he shares the same birthday with Beyonce which is why he always get all the attention).
In conjunction with my candidate day, I decided to make this my last post before SPM, unless I have the time to write another post anytime, which is highly unlikely. I would like to apologise if I've ever said anything that offended you and I've never approached you about it because there's a strong chance that I've forgotten about it huhu sorryyyy. To those taking SPM or IGCSE (my sister's taking IGCSE in october pray for her poor soul), I pray the best for you. Forget how you did for Trials, these 2 months can change your life. Insyaallah, believe and istiqamah.
Sincerely, Syasya xoxo.
2:54 AM
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With SPM coming up, Syasya decides to write her journey to the biggest determiner of her life. (notice the brackets in her post counting down the days to the start of it) Turning 17 two days before Bahasa Melayu Paper 1, Syasya is an ambitious girl no taller than 5 foot 3, but with dreams higher than the sky. She spends her free time reading, sleeping, writing and lepaking. Syasya's a little bit weird sometimes, but, well, she likes to be different.
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